forty-two (soboreddeliguy) wrote,
forty-two
soboreddeliguy

Emotions like saturated fats

Saturated fats are long hydrocarbons linked by single bonds. That's why at the slighted at warm temperature their bonds collapse, kink and the substance melts. Patrick Smith graced me with his presence at school and I had a nice time seeing him. It's still the same as when I was 14, when I speak to him, I shake. Our conversation left me taking a deep breath after walking away. It's weird how I have reserved any and all emotion for one person, and even though I don't want to be his lover, his anything, except maybe acquaintance I still get so riled up about our meeting. I find it so odd that someone my age can enjoy a gay long term relationship. I see Diana. I see her contemplation with Matt. I want to be in love. I can and do love myself (I heard once you have to love yourself to be loved). But I don't want nor can I handle a relationship right now, because... I claim school takes up too much of my time. Maybe it will start to so that will be a valid excuse. I always look forward to moving out and having my own place, but why? I'll have no one to come home to. I admit i'm shallow. I'm shallow and am attracted straight men. Damnit, I always make things too hard on myself. I want someone just to spoon me, hold me, and kiss me until I fall asleep.
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