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01:36am 05/10/2013
 
mood: Drunk
What to say? I have been    of 3 DUIs since 7/3/2008, and on 10/22/13 I will be tried for a trifecta of fucking me (3 different charges- Driving on a Suspended License, Driving without insurance, and Driving without a valid registration). I have decided to vent on my facebook that i'm racist and i'm getting a great deal of push back from it.

I don't know if it's a vicious cycle of poor upbringing or biological but if you were you to look outside my apartment at 2665 Favor Road SW Apartment 2V03 Marietta, GA 30060 you will see at any given time black-as-charcoal monkeys masquerading around as "people" destroying a once luxury apartment community into this slum project that I unsuspectingly moved into.

I'm just saying I don't act like these people and I feel I didn't have the greatest lessons in life etiquette.

I will leave the topic alone.  I have to go to court on 10/22/13 and if I get my shit fucked up, knowing how lenient most niggers get a murder or possession charge in Fulton County, I will go rouge- white supremacist.  
 
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09:58pm 08/11/2010
  I feel so rejected. I hate when my boyfriends break up with me. I guess the only thing I can do it pick myself up and start over! ...Actually, I think i'm going to take break from guys for awhile. I need to focus on my friends and family.  
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things change   
09:33pm 17/05/2010
  I have less than 1 week to get my shit packed, organized, and say good by to everyone I love. It was ironic when one of the guys I met this weekend mentioned something about "Absense making the heart grow fonder". I will make it.  I think that Lee is very inspirational (in a gay way.) He said that sustaining human life takes about 25% of of your time thinking, being proactive, and being on the offense. He further went to say that being sucessful takes about 55-60% of one's time thinking. I believe that removing myself of the distractions that have always filled my life in Atlanta, I can achieve that. I want to achieve that.

I hate to meet every readers expectations again, but i'm going to begin scattered random thoughts and conclude for the evening.

I graduated college last Thursday. I have spent the days between then and now in Coral Gables, FL, getting to know my new boss and his friends. I REALLY enjoyed spending so much time on the water and exploring South Beach. I haven't gotten to do that before when I would attend Winter Party.

It's getting late and I have an early flight, so, I must go now.
 
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answering my own questions   
12:40am 11/03/2010
 
mood: tired
I wish I could spend a day or a week in the life of different types of attorneys. Law school is such a huge commitment, but I am totally up for it if I find more things that interest me about it. As with any career, there are so many options within each that overwhelms me. I just want to take my credit and my criminal record and burn them! I guess if those things weren't issues, I would find some other way to sabotage my future. It's not that I purposefully try to fuck myself over. I just...like taking risks. I get off seeing how far I can take things. It's pretty much always been that way in some form or fashion.

I'm sitting on a pillow naked looking at my red body. I laid in the tanning bed for 10 minutes today. I didn't burn, but I look like a tomato. I was just posting a comment on Diana's journal about fighting our fears and really getting out into adulthood. I would like to, but I have to keep in mind that I still have 2 months of school left. I still have a low C in Corporate Tax that I have to fix somehow. It blows that I'm a lazy and did not petition for Beta Alpha Psi. If I decide to get the MAcc, then I can join at that time. I may be law bound!
 
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stewed chicken   
04:35pm 30/09/2009
 
mood: Booyah
I'm sitting at the Highway 41 Grill wondering if I should eat the stewed chicken at Globetrotters. This entry was brought to you by STUPID ASS BITCH Diana, who wishes to start a LJ revivalist group. So since my personal life has been put on hold (and for good reason) I'll tell you guys about my academic and career life since they're both going so well.


I'm doing fantastic in school, I masturbate a lot and I have the following internship interviews during the next 2 weeks:

-Grant Thornton
-Turner Broadcasting Acct. Dept.
-Habif, Arogetti & Wynne LLP.
-ADP

Booyah.
 
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the fifth of July   
11:23pm 06/07/2009
  It's official, every july something bad happens. I was taken away in handcuffs after having a night of it and passing out on some guys front porch in midtown. I'm staying at my job at Joe's and i'm going to embrace life as a server. Most of the problems I have in life are caused by my abuse of alcohol or drugs. Lets try learning from past experiences, water lily.  
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what does it take to get a six-pack   
12:23am 11/02/2009
 
mood: bouncy
Today is February 9th. Today was a very busy day. However at the end of it when I should be feeling really tired and content with all of its happenings. I woke up somewhat earlier than usual just to embrace our 1st 70-degree day of 2009. I drove with the windows down talking on the phone to old friends, listening to some sick new music I just downloaded and enjoyed the 35 minute ride to my new job. I though the necessary arrangements were made so that I could easily transfer from one job to the next but I was wrong, and unfortunately this is where rivets started popping up on my side of the lane. If work wasn't enough I dealt with a rather good but emotional conversation with the ex and his new partner. Here in lies the main content of my entry: do I HAVE to conform to ways that I think are VERY sorted to say the least and anything but monogamous? I tried going to sleep shortly after but should have known the bed is a shooting range of emotions and memories and I was right in line with a bullet and the target. 1st Bullet: however humble I try to project myself I still have greed, envy and jealousy. This is especially true when the new lover has a killer body and after 2 weeks of killing myself at the gym I still consider myself to have a fat stomach and very little muscular definition at all. The solution to all this is obviously to live on every piece of gym equipment for months to get those damn muscle fibers to form into 6 separate little entities into a well defined 6 pack. When do I have time for class? When do I have time to work? When do I have time to socialize? In these series of questions, or rather way before thinking of typing them I knew the answer. I know the answer to most of my problems actually but for some reason take drastic efforts to avoid them at all costs? Is this this some complex formed out of my twisted love theory and how I didn't receive the proper love from the proper people when I was a child? That is one answer I do not know. BUT I should just grow up, get over it like everything else.
Next bullet: loneliness. It may just be my 22 year-old hormones acting up but i'm screaming for a partner to LIVE next to. I'm so tired of seeing these "functioning" "OPEN" relationships. I experienced my first and only in 2008. It lasted about 2 months but that was only because we kept ourselves busy with other things. damn. I wasn't raised this way. I want something southern and simple. I want to stop and take a breath and I want to be happy...happily ever after. I want my love life to be something like a Taylor Swift song--the good and the bad. I feel like I can't compete but them again, I know the answer it's a matter of changing habit...why do I weekend after weekend (and sometimes before the weekend) try to find love in a cheap, cigarette box of a bar? Church keeps crawling across my mind...methodist church. I know the place and I know the service I want attend but something keeps stopping me? Is it pride? I don't know the answer to this question either. I remember some of the best wholesome memories of my life were spent at Burnt Mountain Church. I felt sweltering love (and heat) in that home. I cry to think of what my poor great-grandmother would think of me now. I have let her down so deerly that I don't think I could face her now...just like the open relationship thing. HOW COULD I, ZACHARY BRIAN ROGERS, HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH MY ME-MAW AND SAY THE MAN I LOVE WANTS OTHER STRANGERS TO WATCH US MAKE LOVE AND MAYBE EVEN JOIN IN. I think ol'timers had a tough life to lead, but I know things like love and faith were clear and easy choices to make. There are somethings in my life that I know she would disagree with, maybe me going and getting black-out drunk. I would take her lecture and advise with a grain of salt...but with love, something that was so sacred between us...to show her what I have derived of that love...being this sad black abyss of numbness and always seeking shelter AWAY from it. Thats pathetic, and I know better. I had just better think better when I choose to even consider sex...and I know myself its never good for anyone cause i'm always so distant and not committed to the "fun" of it, i'm too busy looking for a connection, a connection that had never been there!
 
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fuck fuck fuck   
03:48pm 18/08/2008
 
mood: optimistic
Ok, i'm going to try something new.

I'll list everyone of my current, major problems and i'll write a solution to calm myself down.

My financial aid is taking longer than expected and I have no money for books. ---> I will ask my parents for money for only the books I will need for the next month and purchase more with my next paycheck. Ill also try renting the books since i'll have cash money on me from the parents.

I hate Canton, I miss my family, and it tempts me to spend and drink. --->In January I will devise a school schedule where I only attend school 2 days a week and relocate with my parents for the remainder of my degree program.

My job is in Woodstock---> I will remain at my job (while preforming it well) and find a new job near my parents when the said move is to occur in January.

Ok, seems pretty easy, right? We'll see, I just wish my textbooks weren't so expensive right now. If they were a fraction of the cost, that would be a god sent. I will survive, as Mary Louise Parker once said, "This storm I can weather."
 
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Vegas   
11:10am 20/06/2008
  I'm at the ATL airport about to leave for vegas. Actually I have 2 hours until I leave. I have to be social with my ex boyfriend. peace.  
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thank you   
05:28am 07/06/2008
  i love you stephen. thanks for talking to me.  
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01:45pm 05/06/2008
  I'm in an open relationship and its going ok. I made the mistake of not taking summer school. Everyone try to remind me not to let this happen next year. It is 1000 degrees F in my bedroom at Mimis. I currently have a negative $246 in my checking account. I could dearly use my economic stimulus check like today. I miss my friends, they feel like i've abandoned them for a man. That's not true. I'd hang out with them more if they would come see me. I ALWAYS HAVE TO COME TO THEM, whether it be a friend, family member, or a lover, i'm always the one traveling. I hate that. I think the best way to end this entry would be to name the things in life I love right now:

- friends and family
- my truck
- this gorgeous weather
- Sex in the City movie
- sex/ masturbation
- relaxing from school
- my transferred job
 
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new things   
04:43pm 01/03/2008
  I'm leaving the pool party 20 minutes before it actually ends. I don't think anything is wrong with that. I'm just having some internal conflict with my emotions. I've never been surrounded by so many beautiful, nor have I ever felt this lonely...  
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I'm a retard   
12:47am 13/02/2008
  I can't sleep because I have men on my mind. Attraction is so addictive. I've been spending a lot of time (and Money) in Atlanta the past 2 weeks since I met Brian, aka Justin Wells. He was so sweet, sexy, and fun when I met him. I started falling for him the first night we met. My feelings for him grew rapidly from spending the entire weekend with him. I hung out with his friends, I felt safe and I felt like he gave me a sense of direction as far as how I should be acting toward this beautiful man I just met. It was nothing more than a series of hookups that I drug into the dirt trying to squeeze the last bit of emotion toward me out of him. He said I show out too much and have a drinking issue...He has a cocaine and most likely a meth issue, but I wasn't going to complain. He was the best sex I think I've ever had and rightfully so since he's fucked over 6385435818 men. For some reason, I thought maybe he "sees" something in me. And although I don't think I have all the looks, I think I have an awesome personality, positive energy, and most of all this naive innocence that aging men seem to feed on. I like my innocence, i'll go as far as saying i'd rather not know about things than contemplate issues and deal with them. However, I will have to deal with this masquerade of men and how to act without getting hurt, but also leaving room open for a chance at love. (That's the biggest LOL i've had in awhile.) But it's true, no matter how fun it is to get myself wasted, and go home with a beautiful man...i'm always wanting more the next day, and i'm not talking about dick or ass. I want someone to fucking do what they say their going to do. I want someone to call me when they say they will. I want someone to take more responsibility than I will...and who knows, I might follow by example. This all might originate from me not growing up with a father figure. It really doesn't matter now, I just want something with some substance. The last night Brian and I went out on a date, I told him I felt as if I was in an episode of Queer As Folk, and seriously tried to understand "alternative" relationship methods like being in an open relationship, but only allowing 1 person, 1 fuck. I'm delusional, never in my right mind could I sit back and be okay with this. I'd run over that fucker with my truck just from the sheer jealousy. Buddha says were not supposed to feel that way. I don't think Buddha has ever been to Blake's or Wet Bar, though.

Oh, and what is the fucking deal with cocaine? {asking magic 8 ball} Oh, it's the lamest thing ever. Brian was always spouting off about his awesome nutrition and workout ethic...but you do coke and meth? No. I cannot expect to change these men and from experience I know I can't change anything about myself rapidly. I will set up some new criteria, though, and hopefully this will weed out some really awful people.

1) I will always attend a gay bar with a friend for the entire duration of my stay (I reason if I get too slizzard, they can make a reasonable judgement call for me)

2) I always suggest that someone else buy drinks, if he's buying tonight, there's a better chance he'll buy later...possibly dinner

3) Always get a myspace or facebook...or if all else a LAST NAME so I can Google it later

4) Casually mention what I want, I should say keyword like "date" "dinner" "movie" "commitment" (last one might not fly)

5) I will try my best not to act a fool and get kicked out of any establishment

6) achieve better judgement of people in general and reconsider my dating pool


#6 is difficult because it seems any attractive, interesting men are all clustered in midtown and guys at KSU are anything but fun.

That's all I have to vent about now. Time for bed. I have a class at 8AM, this is going to suck!
 
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I want it now!   
10:53pm 22/01/2008
  I cannot even begin to consider being a candidate for Mercer until the end of the semester, and I take the PCAT. I have an appointment with an admissions officer on tuesday next week. Barbara, that's her name. Barbara can use my hole if it means getting into pharmacy school. I need a new halfway/ safe point. Everyday I lose more control over my habits living here in hell aka Canton. Right now I should be outlining my biology chapter. That text is so hard to read. I should sign up for a Word of the Day email so I can enrich my vocabulary.  
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Emotions like saturated fats   
08:20pm 07/01/2008
  Saturated fats are long hydrocarbons linked by single bonds. That's why at the slighted at warm temperature their bonds collapse, kink and the substance melts. Patrick Smith graced me with his presence at school and I had a nice time seeing him. It's still the same as when I was 14, when I speak to him, I shake. Our conversation left me taking a deep breath after walking away. It's weird how I have reserved any and all emotion for one person, and even though I don't want to be his lover, his anything, except maybe acquaintance I still get so riled up about our meeting. I find it so odd that someone my age can enjoy a gay long term relationship. I see Diana. I see her contemplation with Matt. I want to be in love. I can and do love myself (I heard once you have to love yourself to be loved). But I don't want nor can I handle a relationship right now, because... I claim school takes up too much of my time. Maybe it will start to so that will be a valid excuse. I always look forward to moving out and having my own place, but why? I'll have no one to come home to. I admit i'm shallow. I'm shallow and am attracted straight men. Damnit, I always make things too hard on myself. I want someone just to spoon me, hold me, and kiss me until I fall asleep.  
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New Years!   
09:52pm 01/01/2008
  Let me tell you, I have spent the last couple of days in the north GA mountains practically by myself. It was OK! Saturday night ended up like it always does, drinking too much and going home with someone who's name is unknown to me. I was grossed out by my behavior so I fled for the mountains where my parents asked me to house sit. I cleaned a little, chillaxed, and watched movies. I recommend this isolation therapy for anyone with the taunting fear of a stressful spring semester in the back of their mind.

Diana is spending an increasing amount of time with Matt, Melina is consumed with relationship issues and I feel like I am geographically isolated from my other friends in the A. I'm doing alright though. I'm keeping myself busy with work and sleeping. School registration is frustrating since my ranking for registration times is f-ed up. Right now, I have an 8AM class and an 8PM class on the same day? Is you crazy?

I browse facebook way too much checking people out. I look at the lives of these people and don't understand how traditional college students, especially those who are involved with tough, demanding degrees make time to work, volunteer, and be physically fit. Maybe I should consider a time management class...no, maybe not.

Word of the year for 2008: CONTROL
I think it's self explanatory

It's snowing!
 
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At Diana's house   
10:29pm 03/12/2007
 
mood: tired
I'm procrasting at Dianas. I need to get my ass home and check out some porn, oh and find a video on YouTube of some symphonic thing composed by Haydn? I hate doing stupid shit in college. Who wants this week to be over? Oh, yeah, me! I worked at the Roswell Rd. Walgreens' tonight. We actually had business, I was occupied all night! Melina takes a lot of pictures of herself. Diana is talking to Matt, her, bf. I wish I had a bf all times besides the when i'm drinking :) I'm having a party at my house next week. Everyone can come. All I want to do is drink. There is nothing wrong with this. I yearn for the state of mind where I know school is finished, I don't have to work and can relax with friends. FUCK this. I'm sure this entry makes no sense. It doesn't matter, I guess my writing portrays my life.
 
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Diana's cock   
11:36pm 30/11/2007
  It's good to see friends either a) start writing in their journals again or b) create new ones. I am running on empty. I drank too much and got retarded in Blake's. I fucking hate when I do that shit. I am very frustrated right now, WebCT is down and I have like 5447518 tests graded on there and i'm dying to see how I did. After work tonight, things were pretty chill. Going to the mall with Melina and Matt made me feel like I was 16 again...in retrospect, I think I can do without those memories. It was cool though, we met up with Diana and her bf Matt at Starbucks.

I discovered what "DSGB" means and how awesome Xtube is, lol.

peace.
 
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party, east atlanta style   
08:56pm 18/11/2007
 
mood: drained
I am over those posh, cocaine addict, east atl. 18 yr olds. All they want to do is form a clique asap and then bitch at other people. The girls I met seriously were the lamest people ever. On a positive note Tiffany and Rachel were good conversation along with some old people from various different learning institutions. All in all the evening was just fine. It only made me realize I miss living down there more:(

Here's my new schedule, even though I don't think anyone has these classes or even goes to KSU...

Biol 2108 -principles
Hist 1110- world civ.
Econ 2300- stat.
Mrtg 3100- principles of marketing
mgt 3100- mgt and behavioral sciences

I have been drinking or sleeping all weekend. I hope i'm able to bounce back into school mode for another week or so. I really hope I do well this semester.
 
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kool-aid   
12:12am 07/11/2007
  I had a pretty good day. I sort of enjoyed the cold weather. I have class really early, so i'm calling it a night!  
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